Content note: mentions of domestic violence, suicidality, and child removal.
My life so far (why this exists)
I’m keeping my name off this page, because it isn’t about one person. It’s about us.
I grew up around violence. I watched my mum get hurt by the man she married. He was never a dad to me.
As an adult I masked hard. Money got messy. Drink became a crutch. I was misdiagnosed for twenty years and told it was “just depression”. I was put on antipsychotics, sleeping tablets and antidepressants. I was in and out of hospital and sometimes held by police for my safety. I tried to end my life more times than I can count. I’m still here.
About 15 years ago, my eldest child was taken by police after court paperwork was misunderstood — they apologised later, but it broke me.
Later on, when my step-dad died suddenly, I fell apart and drank for months.
About 7 years ago, after my youngest was born, I had postnatal depression (as a dad). I loved her but felt scared and numb, like I might hurt her by accident or do it wrong, even though I’d raised kids before.
I’m dyslexic and autistic. I only got my autism diagnosis at 39. Some of my kids are ADHD/autistic too. We’re figuring it out together. That’s what Awareverse is: a place to figure it out together.