Supporting neurodivergent wellness through understanding and practical tools
Neurodivergent-Affirming Guide
Celebrating Different, Not Less
Understanding Neurodiversity
🧠 What is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity is the idea that human brains naturally vary, just like biodiversity in nature. There's no single "normal" or "correct" way for a brain to work. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurological differences are natural variations, not disorders to be cured.
Key Terms
🌈 Neurodivergent (ND)
A person whose brain works differently from what society considers "typical." This includes:
Autistic people
People with ADHD
Dyslexic, dyspraxic, dyscalculic people
People with Tourette's
People with certain mental health conditions
👥 Neurotypical (NT)
A person whose brain functions in ways that align with societal norms and expectations. Not better or worse – just different from neurodivergent.
The Medical Model vs The Social Model
❌ Medical Model (Deficit-Based)
✅ Social Model (Affirming)
"Autism is a disorder that needs to be fixed"
"Autism is a different way of experiencing the world"
"ADHD is a behavior problem"
"ADHD is a difference in executive function and attention regulation"
Focus on deficits and limitations
Focus on strengths and accommodations
"Make them fit into the world"
"Make the world more accessible"
Goal: Cure, normalize, make indistinguishable from peers
Goal: Support, accommodate, celebrate difference
💡 Important: Neurodivergent people may still need support, therapy, or accommodations. Affirming doesn't mean "no help needed" – it means approaching support from a place of respect and celebration, not shame.
Page 2
Using Affirming Language
💬 Words Matter
The language we use shapes how neurodivergent people see themselves. Deficit-based language creates shame. Affirming language builds pride and self-worth.
Identity-First vs Person-First Language
🆔 Identity-First Language
Preferred by most autistic and ADHD communities
"Autistic person" (not "person with autism")
"ADHD person" or "ADHDer"
"Dyslexic person"
Why? Autism/ADHD is part of who they are, not something separate they "have." It's integral to identity, like saying "tall person" or "British person."
👤 Person-First Language
Sometimes preferred for other conditions
"Person with epilepsy"
"Person with a learning disability"
The rule: Ask the individual what they prefer, or follow community consensus. Most autistic people prefer identity-first.
Reframing Deficit Language
❌ Deficit Language
✅ Affirming Language
"Suffers from autism"
"Is autistic" / "Autistic person"
"High/low functioning"
"High/low support needs" or describe specific needs
"Normal people" vs autistic
"Neurotypical people" / "Allistic people"
"Obsessed with..."
"Has a special interest in..." / "Is passionate about..."
🌟 Pro tip: If you wouldn't use that phrase about a neurotypical person, don't use it about a neurodivergent person. "Suffers from" neurotypicality sounds odd, right? Same applies to autism.
Page 3
Celebrating Neurodivergent Traits
✨ Strengths, Not Just Struggles
Neurodivergent traits often labeled as "problems" are actually neutral or positive in different contexts. Let's reframe.
Autism Strengths
Traditional "Deficit" View
"Obsessive interests"
"Rigid thinking"
"Overly honest"
"Repetitive behaviors"
"Sensory issues"
"Black-and-white thinking"
Affirming Reframe
Deep expertise & passion
Consistent, principled
Authentic, trustworthy
Self-soothing strategies
Rich sensory experiences
Strong moral compass
ADHD Strengths
Traditional "Deficit" View
"Can't focus"
"Impulsive"
"Hyperactive"
"Easily distracted"
"Forgetful"
"Chaotic"
Affirming Reframe
Hyperfocus on interesting tasks
Spontaneous, quick decisions
Energetic, enthusiastic
Notices everything, curious
Lives in the moment
Creative, thinks outside box
🌟 Examples of ND Excellence
Albert Einstein: Autistic traits – visual thinking, intense focus
Simone Biles: ADHD – hyperfocus, high energy, creativity
Greta Thunberg: Autistic – passionate advocacy, pattern recognition
Richard Branson: Dyslexic/ADHD – creative thinking, risk-taking
Temple Grandin: Autistic – revolutionized animal welfare through visual thinking
💡 Remember: These aren't "successful DESPITE being ND" – they're successful partly BECAUSE of their neurodivergent traits. Different thinking brings innovation.
Page 4
Accommodating, Not "Fixing"
🛠️ The Goal is Support, Not Cure
Neurodivergent people don't need to be "fixed" or made "normal." They need environments that work for their brains, just like left-handed people need left-handed scissors.
What Accommodation Looks Like
🎧 Sensory Accommodations
Noise-cancelling headphones in overwhelming environments
Fidget tools for focus and regulation
Dimmer lights or sunglasses indoors
Comfortable clothing (no tags, soft fabrics)
Quiet spaces available when needed
This isn't "spoiling" – it's like giving glasses to someone with poor vision.
📋 Executive Function Supports
Visual schedules and checklists
Timers and alarms for time awareness
Body doubling (someone present while working)
Breaking tasks into steps
Extra processing time for instructions
💬 Communication Accommodations
Written instructions alongside verbal
Time to process before responding
Direct, literal language (no hints/sarcasm)
AAC devices for non-speaking individuals
Texting instead of phone calls when possible
The Spoon Theory
🥄 Understanding Energy Limits
Neurodivergent people often have limited "spoons" (energy units). Everyday tasks that seem simple to NTs (grocery shopping, phone calls, transitions) cost ND people more spoons.
Accommodating means: Recognizing tasks are genuinely harder, not laziness. Rest isn't optional – it's necessary.
🎯 Analogy: If someone uses a wheelchair, you install a ramp. You don't insist they "try harder" to use stairs. Same principle applies to neurodivergent brains – provide what works, don't demand they function like neurotypical brains.
Page 5
Understanding Masking
🎭 What is Masking?
Masking (or camouflaging) is when neurodivergent people hide their natural behaviors to appear neurotypical. It's exhausting, harmful, and yet often necessary for survival in a NT world.
Ignores internal experience: Focuses only on outward behavior
Uses rewards/punishment: Manipulative, not respectful
Doesn't teach WHY: Just "do this to get reward"
High rates of PTSD: Among autistic adults who had ABA as children
Makes children vulnerable: "Adults' commands must be obeyed" = abuse risk
📢 Autistic voices: "ABA taught me to hide who I was. It didn't teach me to understand the world – it taught me I was wrong for existing as I am."
Affirming Alternatives
✅ What to Choose Instead
Occupational Therapy (OT): Sensory integration, life skills, child-led
Speech Therapy: Communication support (not forcing speech, including AAC)
Play therapy: Processing emotions through play
DIR/Floortime: Relationship-based, follows child's lead
Relationship-based models: Connection before compliance
Accommodations > Normalization: Change environment, not the child
Red Flags in Therapy
🚩 Warning Signs
Goal is to make child "indistinguishable from peers"
Stops stimming or natural behaviors
Doesn't allow breaks or uses "withholding" as punishment
Child cries, resists, or regresses after sessions
Therapist talks about "compliance" as a goal
Doesn't listen to or involve the child's preferences
Parents aren't allowed to observe sessions
Page 7
Presuming Competence
🧠 Assume Intelligence, Always
Presuming competence means assuming someone understands, thinks, and feels – even if they can't communicate in typical ways. Never assume someone "doesn't understand" just because they're non-speaking, have high support needs, or don't respond typically.
Why This Matters
💬 Non-Speaking ≠ Non-Thinking
Many non-speaking autistic people have written eloquently using AAC, typing, or letter boards
Motor planning challenges don't mean intellectual challenges
Processing delays don't mean lack of understanding
Talking about someone like they're not there is harmful – they often understand every word
📖 Recommended: Read works by non-speaking autistic authors like Naoki Higashida ("The Reason I Jump"), Ido Kedar ("Ido in Autismland"), or Amy Sequenzia. They describe being fully aware while unable to communicate.
How to Presume Competence
❌ Don't
Talk about them in 3rd person when they're present
Use baby talk or patronizing tone
Assume they don't understand complex topics
Make decisions without including them
Treat them younger than their age
Give up on communication
✅ Do
Speak to them directly, not about them
Use age-appropriate language
Explain things, even if no visible response
Ask their opinion and wait for response
Respect them as their chronological age
Provide multiple ways to communicate
🌟 Real Example
A non-speaking autistic teen was treated as if she had the understanding of a toddler for years. When finally given access to a letter board, she typed: "I understand everything. I always have. Please stop talking about me like I'm not here."
This happens more often than people realize.
Practical Applications
In Daily Life
Greet them directly: "Hi, Sarah!" not "Say hi to Sarah"
Explain what you're doing: "I'm going to help you put on your coat now"
Ask permission: "Is it okay if I touch your arm?"
Include in conversations: Direct questions to them, wait for response
Respect their "no": Even if non-verbal (pulling away, turning head, etc.)
Page 8
Resources for Neurodiversity-Affirming Support
Books
📚 Essential Reading
"NeuroTribes" by Steve Silberman – History of autism and neurodiversity
"Uniquely Human" by Barry Prizant – Affirming autism perspective
"Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price – About masking and unmasking
"Divergent Mind" by Jenara Nerenberg – Women and neurodivergence
"The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida – Non-speaking autistic perspective
Websites & Organizations
🌐 Online Resources
ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network): autisticadvocacy.org
Ambitious about Autism: ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk
National Autistic Society: autism.org.uk
💜 Final Thoughts
Neurodivergence is not a tragedy. It's not something to mourn or cure. It's a natural part of human diversity that deserves celebration, accommodation, and respect. When we embrace neurodiversity, everyone benefits – society gains from different perspectives, innovations, and ways of thinking. Your neurodivergent child is not broken. They are different, valuable, and worthy exactly as they are.